I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
