May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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