She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
