You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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