I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
