There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
