I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize
