alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
