Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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