I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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