At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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