I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
