its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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