So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We have started to decorate penises.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
