I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
