Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
