i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
be right there i have to get my cape
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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