Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
