apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
