Having a random hookup so left but love u
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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