YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
