Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
