I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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