Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
