yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
