His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
