you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
