In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
