He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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