dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
