I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
