Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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