I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
