We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
