There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
