cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
