I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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