I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
