Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
