We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
