dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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