I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
