this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
