a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I looked at my own cervix.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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