Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
