There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
