At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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