I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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