a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
