So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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