just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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